Loving Someone with Dysphoria


Whether it be a partner, child, friend, or parent watching any loved one suffer is difficult. Watching someone you love struggle with dysphoria can be extremely heart-wrenching and you may find yourself wondering what you can do or say to make it better. Here are some tips I’ve compiled based on my own experiences. 

Know you cannot fix it or make it go away 
As great at it would be there is nothing a person can say to make dysphoria simply go away. You might be able to help temporarily relieve it but it will not go away. 

Listen to your loved one. Listen to them rant. To them cry. To them be angry. Listen. Be a safe place to listen to them. You don’t need to offer advice or solutions or reply with profound words of wisdom. You can simply be there to listen. 

Do What They Ask 
If they have asked you to use certain pronouns or a chosen name or avoid certain words to describe them, etc. then do it. It might be hard for you to adjust but you need to do it. Remember it’s not about you but it is about them. Do what they need you to do. 

Treat them as People 
Just because they are suffering from dysphoria does not mean they are not people with a variety of emotions, experiences, and personality traits. Make sure you treat as the person they are. Pay attention to all parts of their life and don’t treat them as fragile all the time. They are not their dysphoria. That is simply part of their experience.

(via iftheresawill)



basic spelling when it comes to trans terms, since these things tend to get misspelled fairly often:

  • transgender, not ‘transgendered’. you wouldn’t say someone is gayed; it’s the same thing here
  • trans, not trans*
  • remember to put the space. trans woman, trans man, trans non-binary person
  • not necessarily related to spelling, but don’t use ‘enby’ as a blanket term for all non-binary people. some of us don’t like it or are uncomfortable with it, and prefer ‘nb’ or ‘non-binary’. stick with non-binary until you know what a person is okay with
  • add on if you see this list and have something else to say

i thought of more things:

  • never use ‘it’ UNLESS the trans/non-binary person has specifically said it pronouns are fine. if the person wants you to use it pronouns only, and you refuse or use different pronouns, you are misgendering the person. yes, i know the history of the usage of ‘it’ against trans people. that doesn’t make it okay to misgender someone who has made the conscious decision to use ‘it’ for itself
  • FtM and MtF can be harmful. use these carefully; make sure the person you’re talking about/to is okay with these terms. on that note, don’t talk about trans people being trans to others without the person’s express permission
  • "used to be a boy/girl"/"became a boy/girl" = not okay
  • "opposite gender" erases non-binary people. try "all genders" or "another gender" instead

(via grajing)

Anonymous said: Do you happen to have any resources for those of us at the start of our transition who are "older" (35+)? I see all these young kids transitioning and being so brave and honest with themselves. I am in awe of them, but I wish I had their bravery. Thanks!!


Zak: There’s certainly not as much stuff out there for people transitioning over 30 as there are for teens and those in their 20s, but there are some youtube videos, communities, and other resources that you might find helpful. Matt got a question about transitioning middle age on Tranifesto and linked to a couple of videos and organizations, and the comments are full of people providing their personal experiences as well as links to resources (for example, this Facebook group for trans men over 40). Many of these resources aren’t exclusively for people who are just starting their transition, though I’m sure you’d be bound to find those people along with people who began their transitions years or decades earlier. 

This video on transition for older FtMs (it’s a two parter) is an excellent discussion of issues specifically facing trans guys that transition after their mid-twenties. Benjamin, Nick, Jay, and Astrog8tr (also named Jay) are all people of varying ages (35+) making videos about their transitions and how they figured out their were transgender as adults or why they delayed transition into their older adulthood. It seems as though there are also the exchange of resources and development of community on the comments of these videos. 

Hopefully that helps! There are definitely resources out there, for some yahoo and google groups that I don’t know of, but that should at least give you a good start for finding more stuff. I’m tagging this with a lot of different tags in the hopes that maybe some people might find this post and reblog it or comment and maybe hook anon up with some resources or community. 

Anonymous said: Any tips on how ican lose that hour glass figure ? I'm pre t and my stomach seems to be out of shape basically . I appreciate any workout routines you might have (: thanks Limo


Limousine lol

Hour glass figure. Getting rid of that is by working the areas in your core, and mid-back.

Lats. Back.

this will widen your back, straightening out your back and between your hips and chest.

wide grip pull ups. If you cant do them right away, then put a chair under you, and lightly assist yourself, but dont push up from the chair, just pull yourself up with your arms using your back. do 10-12 of these for 3 sets. slow, all the way up and all the way down.


Barbell Bent Over Row. ( you could also do this with dumbbells if you dont have a barbell)

Your grip should be wider than shoulder width. You should tighten your core and straighten your back as you do this. slow but powerful movements, hold it for one second when you pull it up. 10-12 reps, 3 sets.

Okay, another important area you want to target is the obliques, my favorite.

Weighted Oblique Static Holds

Lay on one side of your body with your back completely straight and slowly crunch your legs towards your torso. Really squeeze your side/obliques. At the peak contraction point, or the point where you’re squeezing the hardest, hold it there for 45 seconds. Don’t worry if you’re unable to get 45 seconds right away, hold it for as long as you can and slowly build up to 45 seconds over time. Repeat for the other side. Do this once now, and again at the end of the work out.

Dumbbell Side Bends

Hold a dumbbell in each hand.Stand up straight with your feet about shoulder width apart.Bend your body whilst lowering one weight closer to the floor.Go as far as you can.In a controlled motion, raise up again. Repeat the same motion in alternate direction.Do 4 sets of 15 reps on each side.

Oblique Side Crunches

These are side crunches. and yes you have to smile like that as you do it.

This is the exact form, hair cut included, too. Do at least 2 sets of 20-30 reps. Work up to 3 sets 30-40 reps, and then 5 sets 40-50 reps. Give it time, work yourself up slowly.

and there you go. Make sure you work yourself fully. sometimes doing crunches, you want to stop and swear you have no more juice left. but if you really push yourself, thats my challenge to you, i swear you will pull an inner strength out of you that you didnt even know you had. Eventually you can look just like this:

Now that’s exciting. Good luck. It’s worth the hard work, give it about a month and you will be seeing differences, and in time, some massive differences.

"I think about dying but I dont want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it."

Matty Healy (via tapwaterfanclub)

I love him wow

(via punchdrunklove)

(Source: fallingforthematty, via boss-man-bing)

Zev Explains How to Measure Yourself


Hello, dear readers. We’ve gotten a lot of questions lately and always that basically say, “This is my bra size, what size binder should I get?”

Guys, we can’t do everything for you. Even if we were willing to tell all 251 of you exactly what size binder to get (which we aren’t), your bra size is actually not enough information. 

We are here to give you the information that you need to answer these questions yourself. We can’t tell you what binder to get, but we can give you the plusses and minuses of different models so that you’re informed enough to decide yourself.

And because that is what we do, I am going to explain, very clearly, how to find and use the size charts at underworks, t-kingdom, lesloveboat, esha, and peecockproducts. 

Let’s go.

1. Underworks: Their instructions for measuring are on this page: http://ftm.underworks.com/ but I’ll explain it for you anyway.

  • get one of those cloth measuring tapes. If you only have a yardstick or a crunchy carpentry measuring tape, get a long piece of string to wrap around yourself and then measure the string.
  • measure the top of your ribcage, under your “bust.” Measure carefully, keeping the tape straight and flat against you, right in the spot where the band of a bra would go. Keep the tape snug but it shouldn’t be super-tight. You want an accurate measurement.
  • measure the widest part of your chest. This part is different places on different people. Do your best. Be as careful as you were in step 2.
  • Take the average of the two measurements. That means add them together and divide by two. If your first measurement is 30 and your second measurement is 40, the average is 35. 
  • Go, on the underworks site, to the specific binder that you want. You’ll see something that looks like this: ” Size - fits Chest:  x-small 29-31 / Small  32-34 / Medium 35-39 / Large 40-44 / X-large 45-48 / 2X 48-52  / 3X 53-56”  
  • Your average measurement should be within the range of your size. When I measure like this, I get a 37. That means I’m a medium. 
  • Remember that, as it says on the underworks site, “Each item has a different scale based on the elasticity of the fabric used and the cut of the garment, so please pay attention to the sizing scale for each style.” 
  • The Underworks site uses INCHES!

2. Lesloveboat: here are lesloveboat’s instructions for measuring: http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/sizechart.php?osCsid=1e08af4f24c5c470d3c86d2fd9f2e702 But of course I’ll explain it for you, too, because I’m nice.

  • get one of those cloth measuring tapes. If you only have a yardstick or a crunchy carpentry measuring tape, get a long piece of string to wrap around yourself and then measure the string.
  • Measure the widest part of your chest, snugly and carefully. The widest part is on different places for different people.
  • Go to the specific binder on the lesloveboat site that you want. There’s a drop-down menu for size, pick the size that contains your measurement.
  • If you don’t feel comfortable measuring yourself, the lesloveboat site gives an alternative way of finding your measurement using your bra size. Scroll down on the sizing page that I linked to the section called “measuring from your bra size.” There’s a table of band sizes and a table of cup sizes. Simply add the number of centimeters given for your band size to the number of centimeters given for your cup size, and that’s your measurement. I don’t recommend this method. I don’t recommend it because bra sizing is inconsistent, because many people wear the wrong bra size, and because a tape measure never lies.
  • for god’s sake, remember that the lesloveboat site uses CENTIMETERS.

3. t-kingdom Here’s your link to the size chart: http://www.t-kingdom.com/shopping/english/size.htm And this one is actually so convoluted that I don’t mind explaining it to you.

  • get one of those cloth measuring tapes. If you only have a yardstick or a crunchy carpentry measuring tape, get a long piece of string to wrap around yourself and then measure the string.
  • Measure the widest part of your chest, following the rules of carefulness as specified above. The t-kingdom site says to measure “over your nipples” but I think that they’re assuming perkiness, which isn’t fair to the fact that there are many kinds of bodies.
  • Scroll down on the size chart page.
  • Find a row on the column that is true to your height, weight, and chest size. 
  • But here’s the thing: your height and weight don’t actually matter- all the mediums are for chests 31-33 inches, all the larges are for 34-36. So just find a row on the column that’s true to the width of your chest.
  • T-kingdom is super nice and uses centimeters AND inches. So just know which one you’re using. Don’t measure in centimeters and then try to use the size chart in inches. That’d be dumb.

4. Esha So, on the esha site, if you click on “size chart” in the left sidebar, it brings you here: http://www.esha-taipei.net/en/?artlist-137.html This is a list of the binders available at esha. Once you’ve perused the site to pick the model you want, click on that model and follow the sizing on that site.

Now, there are no instructions on this site for measuring, just a table with a list of “chest width,” along with height and weight. I’m going to assume that this means you should measure the widest part of your chest. I’m assuming this because it matches up with weight better (obviously that’s a big assumption) and because the standard measuring systems for lesloveboat and t-kingdom seem to stick to a single measurement, whereas US-based companies use two measurements. 

5. Peecockproducts: The size chart is here: http://www.peecockproducts.com/images/uploads/Binder/sizing_chart_400x600_updnov2010.jpg and quite seriously looks like it was lifted straight off of the t-kingdom site. The sizes vary slightly from those of the t-kingdom site but the self-measuring is so similar that I encourage you, if getting a peecock binder, to scroll up to part three and follow those instructions.

6. sohoeva: 

  • Every binder at this site has a different size chart. Pick the binder you want, then click on the size chart. You’ll find the button to get to the chart down near the bottom of the page, where there are other pictures of the binder for you to click on and enlarge. One of those pictures is the size chart.
  • Got your size chart? Good. Follow the instructions that I gave you for the lesloveboat site. Match your chest size to your size. If you’re on the cusp of two sizes, go for the underbust size that matches. If you’re still on the cusp, match by weight.
  • remember: centimeters and kilograms!


I hope that’s enough information for you to find out for yourself. I know that measuring yourself sucks. It can cause dysphoria and it can be confusing, but you need to do it if you want a binder that fits. The suckiness now will pay off in the long run. You’ll be safe, and comfortable and have a great binder. 

If there are any other sites you’d like us to include in this how-to guide, let us know and we’ll add them. I hope that we’ll keep this post updated to fit any changes in sizing at various sites so that people can continually link back to it.

Stay excellent,


Anonymous said: Tbh honest I'm looking for a porn vid of a transman with bottom surgery Do you know of any? I wanna know how it work in action lol And if there's like extra parts where you have to pump it and if it gets in the way and ruins the mood


By bottom surgery you mean phalloplasty. This needs to be specified as there are two main forms of bottom surgery and several sub-categories that fall under those two main forms.

From an earlier post:

"Xtube has some awesome videos of men who have had Phalloplasty jacking off, peeing, pumping up their balls to get hard, getting BJs and having sex! Here are some awesome links for you!

If you know of anymore links, please send them to me and I will add them to this!”

The pump is placed where a testicular implant would be, so you pump it up through the scrotal sac. There’s nothing extra and nothing getting in the way.

- Skylar




5 months on testosterone.  This is my last photo update before I leave for Ghana for 2-3 (or more) months.  Pre-T weight: 114lbs. 5 month on T weight: 135lbs.  It will be interesting to see the changes over the summer!

Thanks again, Tyler, I appreciate you documenting my journey. 

Love fellow trans guys with long hair!

I am pretty sure this guy is too hot to actually exist

also yes, more trans guys with long hair like me <3333

(via nokispirations)


FTM INJECTION TUTORIAL. Everyone is taught how to perform an IM injection by many physicians and how to perform them on many areas of the body. This is what works for me and it’s helped many. Step by step I will walk you through an IM injection.

(Source: , via journeytotheskye)

Some tips for lowering your voice I’ve picked up over the years


  • Keep your throat sufficiently lubed with water at all times.
  • Practice humming as low as you can. Attempt to give the hum some vibrato by fluttering your diaphragm (it’s about where the bottom of your rib cage meets the rest of your abdomen; put your hand there while breathing and notice how it moves. You can easily make it flutter or halt).
  • When practicing dropping your voice, put your hand on your throat. You’ll notice that it vibrates. Now put your hand on your chest, about on the same line as your heart. Try to shift the vibration down to there. 
  • When first starting out, speak a bit quieter than you normally do until you get the hang of things.
  • Listen to Johnny Cash and croon along.
  • If you get hoarse or something starts to hurt, stop what you’re doing.

(via anonimotrans)


This is a great reference for FTM’s looking into different types of top surgery.

All credit goes to TopSurgery.net

(via iftheresawill)

(Source: little--perfect-world, via daggerjaw)

(Source: d-y-s-p-h-o-r-i-c, via journeytotheskye)

casperisaghost said: hey guys- do either of you know if pumping your dick to make it larger is actually effective or not? does it just make it bigger for a while afterwards or does it have lasting effects? I'm curious to know if i should invest in a pump or not in the future :) thanks!



Hey! I (Chase) am actually looking into a not-so-expensive pump to test it out! I’ve heard some people LOVING it and saying that it DID stretch the area a little therefore they did get a little growth! I think it ‘feels’ amazing to have it so long and hard when you pump it, but I do believe it goes down after a while. But like I said, I’m almost sure there is a little stretching and growing that can occur which is exciting!

Another thing to look into is the DHT cream! I’m going to make a detailed video about this soon because I’m FOR SURE going to try to get it! I have a friend who was on it who grow 3/4 inches in 3 months! like HELLO!!!! totally trying this! (also fun fact: I told my therapist this and he misheard me and heard “he grow 3 inches” instead and he was like “3 INCHES????? WHAT!!!” and I was like “oh god no! I said 3/4th!” and he was like “omg ok I was going to say, give me some of that!” haha so funny :D)

yes pumping can help! more effective for some rather than others but yes it does work

Reblog if you did NOT know you were trans at birth.


My mom is still struggling with this whole trans* thing because “You didn’t act like a boy and you didn’t choose boy clothes when you were little”
Personally, I didn’t realize the error of my birth until I was 8 and started the precursors of puberty when I realized I was in the wrong body and wanted to be a boy and have a boy body and look like a boy.
I was too scared of being pegged as even more of a freak to accept this until I turned 13.

(Source: slowverdose, via journeytotheskye)